The Weekend Before the Conference #5

The Weekend Before the Conference is an erotic comedy centered around Diane. Diane is a soft spoken, sheltered, accounts receivable clerk who gets the opportunity of a lifetime: a work trip to San Diego, CA. Diane will rack up miles and rack up sexual experiences.

I type in “conferences for me.” Gosh. So many options. I wish someone would just say, “Diane, you are going here. Be there, or, you’re fired!” 

No. I don’t want them to say that. I just want some help with picking a conference.

I find one site called Conference Monkey that says I can find conferences all over the world. I click on it. I don’t need the whole world, but I’m sure I can select the united states or something like that.

Oh and I can! Okay good. And I can select what kind of conference I want. Okay. This is good. I thought this would take hours but I’m actually zipping right along! I type in “United States” and “Recieving.” I should have said “Accounts Receiving” but I’m so used to using the lingo. I hope that doesn’t break the search.

Wow. A bunch of conferences came back. And, looking at them, let’s see…okay a lot of them are accounting, which is good because that’s a big part of accounts receivable. I bet those would work. Finance. Good. That is also part of accounts receivable. I think these are all pretty good. 

I notice a plus sign next to the screen I’m on. Maybe that will give me more conferences? I press it. Oh, no. It gave me a new google search screen. I click on the screen I was on before. Phew, thought I lost my work.

Uh oh. Uh oh. I feel my head get hot. My nipples are getting bigger. I go back to the google search tab. 

“Big veiny hands with a metal watch.”

Oh god. Yeah. There they are. Big strong hands with nice watches at the wrists. Veins. Some of the veins go up the hand into the fingers. Gosh. That must be one strong hand. Some of the hands look swollen and kind of sick. I am ignoring those and focusing on the beautiful ones. And there are beautiful ones. I imagine one of those hands helping me into a car or a bathtub and my puss is back to being a lagoon. 

Oh gosh. Get it together Diane. Pornography at work? I close the tab and pick up the phone. 

“IT?”

“Yes.”

“Please do not let my internet look up hands or veins or anything like that. We shouldn’t be allowed to look at that at work.”

“Ok.”

“Please don’t let the computer do that.”

“Ok. I have to go. I have to go now. Goodbye.”

“Goodbye IT.”

I hang up. I get back on the internet and sign up for the first conference on the list. I have to get off the internet and fast. I sign off, thank goodness. 

My email dings. Oh, good. It’s my conference receipt. I read it.

2nd Annual North American Confrence on Islamic Finance. In San Diego, California.

Oh, dear. Oh no. Darn it, Diane. What did you do? 

I click the back button to make the payment go away. It doesn’t work. I don’t see anywhere to say that I’ve changed my mind. Oh no. I can feel my head getting hot. Oh, Diane. You really screwed this one up.

I know what I have to do. I pick up the phone.

“Hello?”

“Brian?”

“Yes, this is Brian.”

“Okay. This is Diane.”

“Oh. Hi Diane. Did you get your travel sorted out?”

“I am going to an Islamic Finance Conference in San Diego. The ticket, computer – it trapped me. I’m sorry.”

“San Diego, huh? Fun city. Should be beautiful at this time of year. Don’t have too much fun, or you’ll never come back.”

“Okay. I know nothing about Islam.”

“Well, you know about Finance, so that’s good. I would just take an action to do a little research. You’re representing the company and so we want to put our best foot forward.”

“Okay. I bet I can find a good book at the library.”

“Sounds great.”

“I think I’m done with the internet for the rest of the week.”

“Okay, Diane. You take care.”

“Bye Brian.”

Wow. I grab my thin gold necklace and hold it up to my lips. I am going to San Diego for an Islamic Finance conference. When Brian said we have to put our best foot forward, did he mean me? Am I the best foot forward? Gosh. I close my eyes and imagine me and the concept of Islam. I don’t know much about Islam, but I think a gal like me fits pretty nicely. Okay! I’m going on an adventure.