The Weekend Before the Conference #4

The Weekend Before the Conference is an erotic comedy centered around Diane. Diane is a soft spoken, sheltered, accounts receivable clerk who gets the opportunity of a lifetime: a work trip to San Diego, CA. Diane will rack up miles and rack up sexual experiences.

I spend a couple minutes looking for the on button to my computer. They don’t make it easy. While the computer is stretching its legs I make a call to the computer people.

“Hi is this computers?”

“IT”

“Oh, no.” I hang up. I get a call back on my phone.

“Who is it?”

“It’s IT.”

“I’m sorry I bothered you. I was looking for computers.”

“IT is computers.”

“Interesting.”

“What can we do for you.”

“Oh yes. I am going to be needing the internet for the rest of the afternoon. I have to find a conference to go to and I won’t be able to leave for the library.”

“What?”

“I need internet on my computer.”

“You have that.”

“Oh, did you talk to Brian?”

“Brian who? What?”

“Brian. He’s Tom’s boss he, well, Brian is sending me to a conference. But he doesn’t know which conference–”

“You have internet.”

“Oh, okay. Now, library internet is an ‘e’. I don’t see that.”

“Who is this?”

“Diane.”

“Do you work at Colson and Gates?”

“Yes.”

“Okay. Well, uh, go to the little blue green circle at the bottom of your screen.”

“My computer is not – my computer is saying welcome.”

“Okay let me know when you log in.”

“Okay. And my password is abcdef12345?”

“I don’t know, is it?”

“That’s what I always type.”

“Okay.”

“Okay I typed it.”

“Okay.”

“Now I’m just waiting.”

“Okay.”

“Okay its the screen. Oh gosh look at that background.”

“What?”

“Those mountains. Oh my gosh, I’m glad someone took a picture. Beautiful.”

“Go to the blue green circle at the bottom of the screen.”

“Okay. Well, okay. I see a blue square – four blue squares actually. I see a white hotdog that says search on it. I see a white and black square that is overlapping to make a little grey square. I see a green and blue shrimp. I see a folder. I see a lunch pail –”

“The shrimp. Click the shrimp.”

“But I thought –”

“The shrimp is the circle. The shrimp is internet.”

“Oh okay. Just clicked. Okay! This looks like internet.”

“I have to go now. I have to go.”

“Okay bye, IT.”

“I have to go.” 

IT hangs up on me. They are busy. But I have the internet now, and it looks just like the internet at the library.