The Weekend Before the Conference #2

The Weekend Before the Conference is an erotic comedy centered around Diane. Diane is a soft spoken, sheltered, accounts receivable clerk who gets the opportunity of a lifetime: a work trip to San Diego, CA. Diane will rack up miles and rack up sexual experiences.

The bathroom is very air conditioned and it feels nice. My firefighter daydream got me hot behind the neck and the air feels cool and good. Lisa Sexon is washing her hands. She has a creamy brown skin that makes her look like an Aladdin princess. I love Disney and all the girls and girl power. It’s so great that kids can see strong girls and I think it’s good for adults like me as well. I have no kids. 

Lisa is thin and her clothes look nice. One time she told me that her friend could get me a discount on laser treatment, so Lisa must do laser. Gosh. The full package. 

“Hi Diane.”

“Hi Lisa. Does your friend still do laser treatment?”

“I’m not really her friend anymore.”

“Oh no.”

“Yeah.”

“Do you still get laser treatment for your body?”

“Yeah, I mean I guess.”

Wow. The full package.

“I saw you in Tom’s office. Is everything okay?”

“Yeah. He said my office smells like beef but Brian said that I get to go to a conference.”

“Oh that’s exciting. See if they’ll put you in a Courtyard Marriott. They are the best.”

“The best?”

“Yeah, I mean, they are pretty great.” Wow. Lisa thinks Courtyard Marriotts are the best hotels in the world. I think it would be pretty silly for me to ask for a room at one then. All for a little conference? That seems like much.

“What airplane is the best?” I ask.

“Oh,” Lisa furrows her brow and looks up at the ceiling. “I guess I just typically go with whatever one…I’m not sure. They kind of are all the same.”

Huh. Lisa was very quick to tell me the best hotel, but she doesn’t want to tell me which plane is the best. I must have done something wrong.

“I’m sorry,” I say.

“Huh? No it’s fine, I just, typically airplane stuff is just based on where you are going and price, so, I dunno.”

“I’m sorry,” I say again.

“Okay. Oh, shoot. I have a Teams call like, now. I’m late. Have fun in – well – at your conference, Diane!”

Lisa leaves the bathroom. It’s clear that I pushed Lisa to the edge. She’s a beautiful woman and I’m a blue-collar knuckle dragger. She’s not used to tough questions and I gave her one. I really messed that up.

I take a brown paper towel from the paper towel dispenser and push it down the front of my slacks. I go over my pubic hump. I call it a pud. I go over my pud and find my lips and press in real hard. Maybe harder than I really needed to. I might be trying to punish myself for the way I treated Lisa. Like those Opus Dei guys. I love the Di Vinci Code. What a fun book of mysteries and excitement. The Opus Dei guys would torture themselves and that’s who I related to most..

Once I feel confident that my puss is free of juice I pull the paper towel out and toss it in the toilet. I know, paper towels don’t belong in the toilet, but if I leave that paper towel in the trash we’ll have rodents in here before lunch.

Before I leave, I take one look in the mirror. I am shaped like a rounded bridge. Ok. Time to go back to work.