The Weekend Before the Conference #1

The Weekend Before the Conference is an erotic comedy centered around Diane. Diane is a soft spoken, sheltered, accounts receivable clerk who gets the opportunity of a lifetime: a work trip to San Diego, CA. Diane will rack up miles and rack up sexual experiences.

“Diane, how often are you eating beef in your office?”

“Never,” I say. 

Brian Gable and Tom Maffey look at each other. Tom shakes his head. Tom works for Brian. Tom is always trying to prove something to Brian. Brian is a real sweetie. And I mean that.

Tom, leans forward and puts his knuckles on the table. 

“Diane, there is a warm stew smell that comes from your cubicle. It is a beef stew. It smells like warm beef and carrots. The smell comes from your cubicle and it has escaped out to the other cubicles. It is affecting the other cubicles. People are getting upset and it is causing strife in the office.”

“I can’t even remember the last time I had stew, Tom. Not even beef stew. Any stew.”

Tom shakes his head again. “I find it hard to believe that you can’t get access to stew, Diane.”

“Tom, let’s take the temperature down,” Brian says. Brian has a kind face. His hands are big and hard, but also warm. One time at home I dropped my phone in my lap while looking up an origami video and an amber alert went off. The vibrating lasted a whole 20 seconds and I thought about Brian and his big strong hands and I almost cummed but then the amber alert stopped. I did not cum, but I am saving a cum for Brian.

Tom puts his hands up and shrugs. “Diane,” Brian says. “We put up a simplisafe camera by your cubicle.”

I lower my head. Oh brother, here it comes.

“Now, unless they start making baby ruths out of stew, I don’t think you are purposefully making the office smell like warm beef.” I look up to find Brian smiling at me. Tom is not smiling. He shakes his head again. I swear one of those days that head is going to fall off from all the shaking.

“She ate 12 baby ruth’s yesterday and like, five gogurts. If its not stew its bad farts.”

“Tom–cool it, okay? Diane is allowed to eat what she wants and we cant prove that she is farting at her desk. But the camera tells an honest truth: she is not bringing stew into the office.”

“And if I was, I would tell you, Brian.” I don’t know why I just said that. Stupid Diane! Brian cocks his head a little funny, but keeps his warm smile.

“I appreciate that Diane. I think this beef thing is silly and has gone on for too long, but, yeah, I guess if you do bring in a beef stew, fire off an email to me.”

“CC me,” Tom says. I nod. I make a big oof noise as I pick my body up off the chair but Brian puts out a hand to guide me back down.

“--sorry Diane, I did want to talk to you about something else. Nothing bad– I just noticed that you haven’t taken a single day of PTO or been on travel, well, ever.”

I shrug. I never really had to travel, and I just now remembered that I can take days off from work. 

“Well, I think we really put you through the ringer with this stew talk, so let me make it up to you. We are sending you to a work conference.”

I am overwhelmed. Jeez. A work conference. A little sticky name tag with my name on it? I better keep an eye on the name tag because I bet they aren’t printing out duplicate–oh Diane you are making a mountain out of a mole hill.

“What kind of conference?” I ask.

“Any conference. Well, sort of, one for your job. Something that aligns with what you do. Find it, purchase and expense the tickets, and then call down to travel management to have them arrange airfare and hotel.”

I look up at the ceiling and mouth the last sentence Brian said to make it look like I got what he said. But being honest, this is all a little overwhelming for me. I hope they are having a conference here in town so I don't have to bother with any travel. Maybe I’ll book one night at a hotel just to have a little fun. But I won’t bother anyone with booking that.

“Let us know dates. We need to know the dates so we can arrange the carpet guys to do the steam. We also want to scrub through the drawers, but the carpet guys won’t do that.”

“Tom. You’ll get the dates.” Brian seems really upset with Tom. And Tom seems not happy with me. But I’m not upset at Brian. Not one bit. Brian leans forward to me. He speaks very gently to me.

“We are steaming the whole floor. We will probably do it when you are gone because the office foot traffic will be light. We may even just do it on the weekend. I don’t know. But let us know your dates.”

“And CC me,” Tom says.

“I will,” I say. And I will. I don’t want to hold up the carpet people so I’ll have to get the dates as soon as possible. Gosh. I guess my day is going to be a long one. A lot of time on the internet I think. I don’t know how else to find a conference. I won’t have time to go to the library, so I’ll have to go on the internet.

I oof again as I get up from my chair, and this time Brian lets me go. “Take care, Diane.” Gosh. That hits me really hard. I close my eyes and hold my thin gold necklace.

“I’ll do my best, Brian.” I wave bye-bye to Tom and he folds his lips in and makes his mouth very thin.

I walk back to my cubicle. I take some deep breaths to calm myself down. Wow. Brian wants me to go to a conference for the company. Any conference I want. Well no. Any conference I want that is related to my job.

I don’t know why but I get a quick, naughty thought: a firefighters conference. A bunch of big hunks in their uniforms and I’m the only one that’s not a firefighter. And they all want to save me and give me oxygen because I’ve gone faint. Wow.

I change directions. I am no longer walking to my cubicle. I am walking to the bathroom. No, I’m not going to do any hanky panky. I am at work. No funny business. That’s not very professional. But I am going to run a wet cold paper towel against my outer and inner pussy parts. If I go straight to sitting down my clothes will get wet and sticky. Also, if the wetness pools and sits my clothes wont keep. Better to deal with it now.