Old Head #2

Old Head follows Craig, a San Diego skateboarding local, and the last of a dying breed. Old Head episodes will be coming out on a monthly basis (estimated).

Ocean Beach has a cool vibe. Tons of places to kick it. It’s right next to the ocean and there are tons of beaches, which are also places to kick it. Prices stay pretty low because people take shits on the sidewalk and almost everyone who lives here has committed a serious crime. One time I was at this dope spot to get noodles and I watched a guy pay another guy to suck him off. Money changed hands and this guy just pulled out a beach chair and got blobbed for fifteen minutes. Nobody stepped in because if you step in then all the rent goes up. So we all ate our noodles until this guy shot a fat load. Some of us eating noodles were like, “After these noodles I’m gonna see how much money I have left because I haven’t got my dick sucked for a minute.”

I’ve been chopping it up here in OB for a minute. My young part of life was spent in Del Mar. Tough place to hang because everyone wants to surf and have sleepovers at their divorced parents house. The sleepovers were tough because you gotta remember what house to go to (dad or moms?) and by the time you figure that out the vibe is killed. And the surfing was out of the question for me.

I got this fat head. I have an insane amount of thickness on the back of my dome that goes down my neck. Growing up, people used to send me pictures of Elephant Seals on instant messenger. Not super sick and mega hurtful but it’s actually not a bad way to describe the shape of my head. What I don’t have is the body of an Elephant Seal, so if I am in water, my head can’t stay up. Real bulldog stuff. And that’s tough if you’re in Del Mar. Kids are coming to school still in their wetsuit and surfboards. They pull up, pop their wetsuits off, their dad pours water on them to wash off, and then they just pop on a shirt and roll out to class? Shit is fucking sick! Girlies are like oh shit I get watch this homie do basically a water-based strip show and it’s not even first period yet. 

If you’re a skater you don’t have things like that. When I was twelve I tried one time to get naked and eat my lunch all slow but people were like why is there a naked Elephant Seal human hybrid eating a lunchable in the front of our school? It’s like, bro, pack up and go home. You are suspended.

Home wasn’t super sick either. My mom never understood the struggles of being a skater in a surfer dominated society. My mom was working three jobs so she didn’t have a lot of time to think about struggles like that. She just got to kick it and be an employee all the time. When you are an employee you lose your ear for the streets. And when your son is basically a walking version of the streets, I dunno.

And it’s weird to say it but my Dad is a bike. Like, a bicycle. I dunno if he actually got my mom pregnant but I dunno, my mom was pretty agro one day and I kept popping off asking her who my dad was and she just came at me with, “That fucking bike is your Dad.” And she was pointing at this bike outside of Red Robin so I was like ok good to meet you Dad. So I stole my Dad off the bike rack and just started bonding you know?

I was one of the only kids who got to bring his Dad to school everyday, so I think some of my boys were jealous. Also I never had to watch my Dad say mean shit to my Mom because he just didn’t have the means to. Sometimes growing up I wanted to chirp a little at my Mom, but I knew if she came back at me my Dad wouldn’t say any shit to back me up. So no, I mean my relationship with my Dad is not perfect.

And I’ve fucked up too. Before I became an underground webcam fetish queen I was low on funds and had to make ends meet. I would do this thing where I would sell my Dad and then come back and steal him. Hard part about that is when you sell a bike to someone they now have a bike and you don’t. Unless you are a bike store. And normally they leave the transaction on the bike, so they are moving way faster than you. So getting my Dad back was always a lot more work than what I signed up for but family is life.

I don’t do, like, all the dad shit with him. Like on Fathers Day I don’t get him a card. I’m not gonna be a big ass man and pretend that my bike can read. Maybe I’ll ride my Dad around a little extra that day but nothing super crazy.

Ocean Beach is cool, though.